Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Game Developers Change Light Bulbs
Q: How many game designers does it take to change a light bulb? A: No, no. Players change light bulbs. We just create incentives for them to do so. Q: How many producers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Changing the light bulb isn't critical path, so don't expect it before beta. Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: That code hasn't been checked in yet. Q: How many art directors does it take to change a light bulb? A: Does it have to be a light bulb? Q: How many artists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three. One to model the light bulb, one to texture-map the light bulb, and one to animate the light bulb. Q: How many Q/A people does it take to change a light bulb? A: Content issue/Non-critical. In the previous joke, this was artists. Is that a problem?
posted by Greg at 10:09 AM
39 comments
39 Comments:
Those made me smile, and giggle.
In other news:
America is bankrupt.
http://www.financialsense.com/fsu/editorials/martenson/2006/1217.html
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: That's a hardware issue.
That's a really good one. I have to print it and put it on my wall :)
Well, this one is a favourite too:
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."
Well, if its a hardware problem...
Q: How many IT Department Workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Are you sure it's plugged in? Try shutting it down and rebooting it.
-Karen
No, no, that's not the right lawyer joke.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: How many can you afford?
Q. How many Engine Programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Can't do it, hardware issues, but one will hack up some LEDs in the meanwhile.
Q. How many Gameplay Programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? a. Three. One to bitch at the Engine team about the lack of Lightbulb support engine side. One to bitch to management about those lazy engine programmers and one to promise the Game Designers that there will be lightbulbs before Alpha.
Q. How many Tools Programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Only one but the next time you want to change a lightbulb you'll find it's easier to cut the glass open and replace the fillament.
Colm Mac
Q: How many focus group members does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Dude, if you could, like, make the lightbulb do wicked stuff like a samurai and, like, slow shit down like in the Matrix, that would totally rock.
Q. How many AAA publishing executives does it take to change a light bulb? A. What's wrong with tallow candles? We've sold tons of those. These "bulbs" sound risky.
Q. How many Community Managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. We're looking into this currently, and will be releasing more information about the upcoming lighting changes soon.
Q. How many game reviewers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Since I prefer blue light, I'll just report all red bulbs as defective.
Q. How many game writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Game writers can't afford electricity.
Q. How many Electronic Arts executives does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. What's wrong with living in eternal darkness?
Q: How many Marketers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What's wrong with just calling the game, "Dark: The Darkening"?
Q: How many Infocom Implementors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They were eaten by grues when the light went out.
Q. How many Electronic Arts executives does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Just one. But the filament is available separately for a "low" cost on Xbox Marketplace. "We want to give gamers freedom to choose how they get their lighting" commented an executive.
Q. How many gaming academics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. According to Chris Crawford (The Art of Computer Game Design: Reflections of a Master Game Designer. Berkeley: Osborne/McGraw-Hill, 1984, p. 110), "To this point [lightbulbs] have catered to the fantasies of twisted computer 'nerds', but they will soon blossom into much richer explorations of fantasies." Note how Crawford alludes to the rotation of the lightbulbs in their sockets by his use of the adjective 'twisted' in describing the 'nerds'.
(with a nod to Noah)
Q: How many game story writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: In the time of the ancient ones, the Darklord, scheming in his dark sanctum, unleashed an ancient darkness, enveloping the land in eternal night. This was the Dark Time when man fought man, man fought beast and man fought monster, all in the name of an Evil most dark and foul.
But all was not lost. The Forgotten Prophecy would soon come to pass. A single hero, armed with the legendary broadsword, Spleenraker, would arise to slay Evil and bring light into the darkness, to reveal, for all to see, the true extent of the darkness and banish it forever into the deepest darkest darkness from whence it came.
This is YOUR task, mighty one. YOU must change light bulb.
Q: How many level designers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but there's no way to know if it will work unless we wait two days for the light map to be rebuilt.
Q: How many game designers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 100, 1 to actually screw in the bulb and 99 to talk about how they are going to revolutionize the lightbulb installation industry.
-Twitchings
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